This semester at university has been pure hell, to the point where I’m beginning to question my predisposed career into architecture. There’s been a lot of sharp turns and jolts throughout the past few months and it’s left me really scattered internally. There are a lot of questions and not enough answers, such is life. I’ve never really been afraid of uncertainty, but something about this type of uncertainty is frightening. It’s one of those things that shatters the glass, or spins your world along a different axis, I just can’t process it at all.
University has completely consumed me to the point where I really feel like I haven’t been myself for a long time. We’re studying parametric design this semester, it’s interesting and all but the learning curve is tiringly steep. The continuous stress combined with the lack of sleep has distracted me from myself I guess. I haven’t had any time to sketch, draw, create, or write; all of which are things that I felt were taking me somewhere on some personal level that I’m yet to understand. I guess I’m feeling really out of balance, leaving me in a rather volatile state of mind.
I now understand how people can literally lose themselves in their work, I hope it doesn’t happen to me. Hopefully, this post means I’ve made some attempt to steer clear of that consequence, I’ve always believed that actions speak louder than words so it’s early days yet but there’s a shred of optimism in me still. I guess the reason I’m writing this now at 3 o’clock in the morning instead of doing assignments or building my energy for another day is that I’m frustrated at myself for losing sight of these aspirations that I valued, and ultimately blinding myself to my inner voice.